Sitting in a worship service the other day listening to another uninspiring talk full of opinions and pop psych made me long for the days when preachers actually walked with Christ and spoke fondly of their relationship with Him. I miss Him, Christ that is. He has been beside me for so many years, and yet it seems that I have not fellowshipped with Him or with His followers in ages.
Where is the church? No, not that lifeless monument on the hillside built to fit a crowd, where is the church? The people that Christ died and gave his life for. The church, that was left on earth to spread the news of He who died. The church that is to care for, love, encourage, and support each other. Am I a part of the church? Evidently not. I am hurting more than I have hurt in my life. I am depressed and seeking anything to bring me out of this despair, yet no one knows or cares.
Have I ceased to pray. No. I have prayed more than ever, maybe more like plead and beg, but the answers do not seem to come. The other day I was working a job and took a break for lunch. I was alone and sitting and bowed my head and closed my eyes to pray...I suddenly felt like such an idiot. It felt as if Christ was saying, "hey, I'm right here, sitting across from you. Talk to Me." I looked up and had a conversation with the Lord, thanking Him for my family, my health, my work, and the ability to have a conversation with Him. It was so real. I think that is what He wants. Jesus wants me to treat Him like He is really there, otherwise it is ritual...another dead ritual.
I love you Father. I love you Jesus. Thank you for dying for me, paying the cost and conquering death.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Alice Cooper, Do My Math!
It is amazing to me that I am actually back in school. During high school, I could not wait to move on, making the stupid claim and singing loudly the lyrics of an Alice Cooper song, “school’s out for summer…school’s out forevah!” As most of us who have aged, I now realize that learning never ends and have found myself in a multitude of classrooms in the years since 1984. The difference now is that I actually look forward to the majority of classes and have learned to enjoy the act of learning as much as I look forward to the end goal. I would be lying, however, if I said I felt great about every subject. There is one that haunted me back in the day -- to my children ancient history -- and that is anything arithmetic. For the most part, I do not have an equal reaction to other topics. Science may have an explanation for the different physical responses I have to the following subjects; maybe it has something to do with being left or right brained, but in the end, it does not matter the reason, just the effect. What I tend to enjoy the most is writing and what I most abhor is indeed math.
Math. The very mention of the word makes my chest tighten and my stomach begins to turn. From all logical perspective, this should not happen, considering the fact that mathematics is a normal part of everyday life. Rarely does a day go by that my mind is not engaged to solve some type of problem concerning numbers. It could be a budget question, my children’s homework, or the comparison of a sale price to a bulk price, and yet, everything with numbers tends to affect me equally. I am not necessarily bad at math, indeed I have struggled and worked to be somewhat proficient, but it has never come easy or been enjoyable. Even math puzzles affect me. My wife is an avid Soduku fan, and many times, as she has worked a puzzle before turning out the light, she has shown me a considerably tough puzzle and asked if I have any insight. My chest tightens and I become uncomfortable, frustrated, and irritable. I have since learned, as has she, to just walk away and never consider such things. I will accomplish what I must, but I will not purposely torture myself.
Surprisingly, math is something that I must attempt in total silence. Surprise, because in most other subjects this is not the case. When it is time to center my attention on a math assignment, then the time has come for the world to cease its groaning so that I may focus. The television must be off, the stereo silenced, the dog put outside, and no one talking. Even the movement of a breeze causes constriction and brain strain. I have actually donned hearing protection and if it were possible, I would have a soundproof room, lit up like a football field, with a simple desk, paper, calculator, and chair present.
There is one other obvious problem with mathematics in my life. Whenever I tackle math work, I want it over with as soon as possible. This attitude causes inane mistakes. Many times, the difference between an ‘A’ and a ‘C’ on tests in this subject is not a misunderstanding of operation, but a mistake of speed.
Mercifully, I do not have the physical complications of math in other areas of study, and with writing, it is actually much the opposite. Although very much a part of my everyday life, as much as numbers, words seem to come easy. I cherish the moments when my children come seeking advice in writing, spelling, or grammar. I love the discussion of words and ideas and look forward to reading what they have written and the opportunity to help them develop their thoughts. For me, writing is a welcome challenge and I look forward to wading in chest deep in ideas and see what flows over the edge.
When the time comes to develop a piece of written word, I must be where there is commotion. I want the children playing, the music streaming, and activity happening that does not pertain to me. The greatest environment for my words to flow is a busy café with people coming, going, and conversing around me. It is then that my mind un-tenses and begins to release thoughts that were caged, and the words can flow like water over a falls. Often, I begin a conversation with a total stranger and have an interesting discussion about the topic at hand to obtain new angles and insights. Hours may pass without notice. Silence is not an option. If in silence I had to write, give me an abacus. The quiet itself begins to close in on me and I beg release from its clutches.
Another difference between math and composition is the amount of time that is spent on crafting words. As with Ernest and Julio with their wine, I want time for my ideas to ferment. Prior to writing my first words, be it on paper or computer, I have written and edited many things in my mind. I must admit, that were it not for a deadline it may be that my thoughts would never make it to completion. Some papers are finished and turned in without reaching the plateau that I expect, but I enjoy the challenge and press on to perfect my attempts.
Math and composition are a part of my life, one an antagonist and the other a friend; however, I love learning and I am thrilled to be back in an environment of active education and must admit that I appreciate the challenge of academia. At the end of the day, I will succeed in all matters math, but will enjoy most things written.
Math. The very mention of the word makes my chest tighten and my stomach begins to turn. From all logical perspective, this should not happen, considering the fact that mathematics is a normal part of everyday life. Rarely does a day go by that my mind is not engaged to solve some type of problem concerning numbers. It could be a budget question, my children’s homework, or the comparison of a sale price to a bulk price, and yet, everything with numbers tends to affect me equally. I am not necessarily bad at math, indeed I have struggled and worked to be somewhat proficient, but it has never come easy or been enjoyable. Even math puzzles affect me. My wife is an avid Soduku fan, and many times, as she has worked a puzzle before turning out the light, she has shown me a considerably tough puzzle and asked if I have any insight. My chest tightens and I become uncomfortable, frustrated, and irritable. I have since learned, as has she, to just walk away and never consider such things. I will accomplish what I must, but I will not purposely torture myself.
Surprisingly, math is something that I must attempt in total silence. Surprise, because in most other subjects this is not the case. When it is time to center my attention on a math assignment, then the time has come for the world to cease its groaning so that I may focus. The television must be off, the stereo silenced, the dog put outside, and no one talking. Even the movement of a breeze causes constriction and brain strain. I have actually donned hearing protection and if it were possible, I would have a soundproof room, lit up like a football field, with a simple desk, paper, calculator, and chair present.
There is one other obvious problem with mathematics in my life. Whenever I tackle math work, I want it over with as soon as possible. This attitude causes inane mistakes. Many times, the difference between an ‘A’ and a ‘C’ on tests in this subject is not a misunderstanding of operation, but a mistake of speed.
Mercifully, I do not have the physical complications of math in other areas of study, and with writing, it is actually much the opposite. Although very much a part of my everyday life, as much as numbers, words seem to come easy. I cherish the moments when my children come seeking advice in writing, spelling, or grammar. I love the discussion of words and ideas and look forward to reading what they have written and the opportunity to help them develop their thoughts. For me, writing is a welcome challenge and I look forward to wading in chest deep in ideas and see what flows over the edge.
When the time comes to develop a piece of written word, I must be where there is commotion. I want the children playing, the music streaming, and activity happening that does not pertain to me. The greatest environment for my words to flow is a busy café with people coming, going, and conversing around me. It is then that my mind un-tenses and begins to release thoughts that were caged, and the words can flow like water over a falls. Often, I begin a conversation with a total stranger and have an interesting discussion about the topic at hand to obtain new angles and insights. Hours may pass without notice. Silence is not an option. If in silence I had to write, give me an abacus. The quiet itself begins to close in on me and I beg release from its clutches.
Another difference between math and composition is the amount of time that is spent on crafting words. As with Ernest and Julio with their wine, I want time for my ideas to ferment. Prior to writing my first words, be it on paper or computer, I have written and edited many things in my mind. I must admit, that were it not for a deadline it may be that my thoughts would never make it to completion. Some papers are finished and turned in without reaching the plateau that I expect, but I enjoy the challenge and press on to perfect my attempts.
Math and composition are a part of my life, one an antagonist and the other a friend; however, I love learning and I am thrilled to be back in an environment of active education and must admit that I appreciate the challenge of academia. At the end of the day, I will succeed in all matters math, but will enjoy most things written.
The State of Reporting
“Wilson’s actions Wednesday, in other words, seem vastly out of character.”
I think integral reporting is a thing of the past. I am fully aware that editorials are someone’s biased opinions, but bias without thought seems to be the norm anymore and some of the conclusions beg some obvious questions that are ignored.
Recently, Congressman Joe Wilson blurted out loudly in a joint session, being addressed by the President, causing uproar among the press and the democrats. The hubbub surrounds the breaking of etiquette, civility, and tradition by a single member in the congress, but I am intrigued by the comment of Kathleen Parker stating that the actions seem vastly out of character by the Congressman. If the actions are out of character, then the question should be asked, why? Why would a Congressman known for his etiquette and class become so frustrated that he breaks with decorum and becomes belligerent in such a public manner?
This is a question that has escaped the pen and comments of the press in this latest go-round. Could it be that there is validity to his frustration? Maybe we should sit him down and ask the obvious question. What does he know that we do not? Maybe the lack of integrity that is emanating from the lips of the leader of the free world was too much and put Joe over the top.
Along those lines, revelation came the next day by the organization Factcheck.org that there were many facts misstated by the President during his speech. (http://www.factcheck.org/2009/09/obamas-health-care-speech/) Although the exact timing of the outburst was concerning coverage for illegal aliens, there were many misstatements of fact up until that point, and could have been enough to put Joe Wilson over the top causing him to act “out of character.” There is language in the bill that excludes coverage for illegals, but there is no enforcement mechanism which provides a loophole to those who are not legally in America. The Republicans had offered an amendment to the bill that would have put teeth to the denial of coverage, but it was unilaterally rejected and known to the President.
I do not know the answer to the question and may be wrong, but let us have an honest discussion that considers all possibilities and forgo the preconceived notions that are thrust upon us without thought or investigative techniques that were employed by reporters of old.
I think integral reporting is a thing of the past. I am fully aware that editorials are someone’s biased opinions, but bias without thought seems to be the norm anymore and some of the conclusions beg some obvious questions that are ignored.
Recently, Congressman Joe Wilson blurted out loudly in a joint session, being addressed by the President, causing uproar among the press and the democrats. The hubbub surrounds the breaking of etiquette, civility, and tradition by a single member in the congress, but I am intrigued by the comment of Kathleen Parker stating that the actions seem vastly out of character by the Congressman. If the actions are out of character, then the question should be asked, why? Why would a Congressman known for his etiquette and class become so frustrated that he breaks with decorum and becomes belligerent in such a public manner?
This is a question that has escaped the pen and comments of the press in this latest go-round. Could it be that there is validity to his frustration? Maybe we should sit him down and ask the obvious question. What does he know that we do not? Maybe the lack of integrity that is emanating from the lips of the leader of the free world was too much and put Joe over the top.
Along those lines, revelation came the next day by the organization Factcheck.org that there were many facts misstated by the President during his speech. (http://www.factcheck.org/2009/09/obamas-health-care-speech/) Although the exact timing of the outburst was concerning coverage for illegal aliens, there were many misstatements of fact up until that point, and could have been enough to put Joe Wilson over the top causing him to act “out of character.” There is language in the bill that excludes coverage for illegals, but there is no enforcement mechanism which provides a loophole to those who are not legally in America. The Republicans had offered an amendment to the bill that would have put teeth to the denial of coverage, but it was unilaterally rejected and known to the President.
I do not know the answer to the question and may be wrong, but let us have an honest discussion that considers all possibilities and forgo the preconceived notions that are thrust upon us without thought or investigative techniques that were employed by reporters of old.
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