Alice Cooper, Do My Math!

It is amazing to me that I am actually back in school. During high school, I could not wait to move on, making the stupid claim and singing loudly the lyrics of an Alice Cooper song, “school’s out for summer…school’s out forevah!” As most of us who have aged, I now realize that learning never ends and have found myself in a multitude of classrooms in the years since 1984. The difference now is that I actually look forward to the majority of classes and have learned to enjoy the act of learning as much as I look forward to the end goal. I would be lying, however, if I said I felt great about every subject. There is one that haunted me back in the day -- to my children ancient history -- and that is anything arithmetic. For the most part, I do not have an equal reaction to other topics. Science may have an explanation for the different physical responses I have to the following subjects; maybe it has something to do with being left or right brained, but in the end, it does not matter the reason, just the effect. What I tend to enjoy the most is writing and what I most abhor is indeed math.

Math. The very mention of the word makes my chest tighten and my stomach begins to turn. From all logical perspective, this should not happen, considering the fact that mathematics is a normal part of everyday life. Rarely does a day go by that my mind is not engaged to solve some type of problem concerning numbers. It could be a budget question, my children’s homework, or the comparison of a sale price to a bulk price, and yet, everything with numbers tends to affect me equally. I am not necessarily bad at math, indeed I have struggled and worked to be somewhat proficient, but it has never come easy or been enjoyable. Even math puzzles affect me. My wife is an avid Soduku fan, and many times, as she has worked a puzzle before turning out the light, she has shown me a considerably tough puzzle and asked if I have any insight. My chest tightens and I become uncomfortable, frustrated, and irritable. I have since learned, as has she, to just walk away and never consider such things. I will accomplish what I must, but I will not purposely torture myself.

Surprisingly, math is something that I must attempt in total silence. Surprise, because in most other subjects this is not the case. When it is time to center my attention on a math assignment, then the time has come for the world to cease its groaning so that I may focus. The television must be off, the stereo silenced, the dog put outside, and no one talking. Even the movement of a breeze causes constriction and brain strain. I have actually donned hearing protection and if it were possible, I would have a soundproof room, lit up like a football field, with a simple desk, paper, calculator, and chair present.
There is one other obvious problem with mathematics in my life. Whenever I tackle math work, I want it over with as soon as possible. This attitude causes inane mistakes. Many times, the difference between an ‘A’ and a ‘C’ on tests in this subject is not a misunderstanding of operation, but a mistake of speed.
Mercifully, I do not have the physical complications of math in other areas of study, and with writing, it is actually much the opposite. Although very much a part of my everyday life, as much as numbers, words seem to come easy. I cherish the moments when my children come seeking advice in writing, spelling, or grammar. I love the discussion of words and ideas and look forward to reading what they have written and the opportunity to help them develop their thoughts. For me, writing is a welcome challenge and I look forward to wading in chest deep in ideas and see what flows over the edge.

When the time comes to develop a piece of written word, I must be where there is commotion. I want the children playing, the music streaming, and activity happening that does not pertain to me. The greatest environment for my words to flow is a busy café with people coming, going, and conversing around me. It is then that my mind un-tenses and begins to release thoughts that were caged, and the words can flow like water over a falls. Often, I begin a conversation with a total stranger and have an interesting discussion about the topic at hand to obtain new angles and insights. Hours may pass without notice. Silence is not an option. If in silence I had to write, give me an abacus. The quiet itself begins to close in on me and I beg release from its clutches.

Another difference between math and composition is the amount of time that is spent on crafting words. As with Ernest and Julio with their wine, I want time for my ideas to ferment. Prior to writing my first words, be it on paper or computer, I have written and edited many things in my mind. I must admit, that were it not for a deadline it may be that my thoughts would never make it to completion. Some papers are finished and turned in without reaching the plateau that I expect, but I enjoy the challenge and press on to perfect my attempts.

Math and composition are a part of my life, one an antagonist and the other a friend; however, I love learning and I am thrilled to be back in an environment of active education and must admit that I appreciate the challenge of academia. At the end of the day, I will succeed in all matters math, but will enjoy most things written.